Help Make Others Understand

1. Denial – This isn’t as bad as the doctor is making it out to be
2. Guilt – Did I do this? Eating peanut butter while pregnant/nursing?
3. Anger – Why my child? 
4. Depression – We can’t leave the house! Constant research creates misery!
5. The upward turn – I’m ready to leave the house!
6. Reconstruction – We tried it & survived!
7. Acceptance – Let’s make a list of what we CAN do!!!

Now you’re saying that’s not me….Denial….have you memorized all the info on every allergy website yet? Have you left the house, stopped crying yet? Each of us experiences these feelings, but the word “each” implies we are alone in this fight. We are not alone. Over 3 million children suffer from food allergies. That means there are almost 3 million parents experiencing the same difficulties, some newly diagnosed, others further along in their acceptance.

Support groups are so important to us in many ways. They provide a shoulder to lean on, information, a hand to hold, a united voice. Our support groups can be local allergy awareness support groups, our families and our friends. Allergy groups are a great resource, especially in the early stages, because their situations parallel yours. This level of understanding during the first 6 stages is extremely crucial. Each family is coming to terms with an extremely immense concept to grasp and extended family members sometimes find it difficult to provide the type of support we need.

As parents, our first priority is to our children. We are with them everyday and we were present for the diagnosis, the initial treatment and the recommended course of action. Our current knowledge and understanding is light years ahead of someone who is first hearing about “food allergies” and yet we are still in the denial phase!

Because of our daily interaction with the allergy and our required constant vigilance, we will pass through the 7 stages rather quickly. It’s amazing how resilient we are. However, those who aren’t exposed to the same level of required vigilance, such as extended family members, will not have encountered all the setbacks we have had to navigate.

Be patient with your family, but be cautious. Because they do not understand, there is always the potential for not wanting to “deny the poor child” anything. Be forceful about not allowing them to feed your child ANYHING! But, always try to see the situation in someone else’s shoes. Most of us want to shake our families into submission, it’s not a medically proven method for information absorption!

Talk to your family, ask them to read some, if not all, of the material you have absorbed. Have them join you on a trip to the grocery store or to a support group meeting. All are excellent ways to educate friends and family members on the severity as well as the complexities of that which you are dealing.

You will be met with some dissention, in some cases much dissention. It’s not an easy concept for outsiders to grasp and anyone that isn’t part of the immediate family is an outsider. Surround yourself with those who want to understand and want to help. Don’t frustrate yourself trying to explain calculus to someone who isn’t good with math. But DO become an outspoken advocate for your child.

They will encounter much negativity in their world. It’s difficult enough to be a kid in this world without an “invisible Achilles Heel” labeling them as different. Patiently, approach each negative encounter with family, teachers, friends, or other various acquaintances with the understanding of their uninformed ignorance. They have no frame of reference because they have never been exposed to the same challenges. They will say ignorant things and sometimes make you feel small, keep going. Just knowing they have met you is one more person who has been educated about food allergies.

It’s about what we CAN do. Go out and expand our world – one day at a time!